Hi all! HAPPY NEW YEAR!...
I want to share with you some things that I was prompted to think about on another friend's blog, December 31. Sista put the question out there, asking that we take stock of our lives (as we usually do, or should, at least) entering 2008, and see what the previous year has taught us. Some of the following are things I've "known at", or understood in theory. But over the past 12 months, I've come to embrace that understanding in a practical way that has truly "taught" me. Without futher ado, here's my list - please feel free to share yours.
1. My word is all I have - and it is better not to vow than to vow and break it.
2. There are people I've wronged who may never forgive me, but I hold no malice. I am forgiven, have forgiven myself...and them.
3. Love is what we need to BE to one another - and the practice of it is the work of a lifetime...
4. Love has shown itself to be exactly the way Paul describes it in I Corinthians 13 - and then some.
5. The answers to prayers come in very interesting sizes, packages, and situations... and I recognize, accept and am thankful that my petitions never return to me void; even when the answer is 'no'.
6. A closed door is not a bad thing. Another door always opens; or the revelation comes.
7. Faithfulness and diligence have their own, intrinsic rewards - peace of mind and soul satisfaction.
8. I can be who I am at all times, no shame, no apologies.
9. There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother - and since I never had a brother, I'm VERY grateful!
10. Some of the richest blessings are born in the storm.
11. My God is able to supply ALL my needs - and has given me a Godly life partner who is in tune with me, and anticipates/foresees and oversees our big picture.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I wanna be sayin somethin - part 2
Well, it's January 3, 2008 and I'm still relying on my fingers doing the talking! My voice was not back "by morning", as I had previously hoped. (name it and claim it don't be workin always...ha!) That was an unrealistic hope in the natural, truly. I learned there were benefits to my being quiet; a concept I hadn't thought about until...
Backtracking to December 31, 2007 - we had an invitation to bring the New Year in with some folks who are part of our music ministry. Husband and wife, the Reynolds, are wonderful people who open their home to others for prayer, assistance (physical and otherwise), and music making. Brotha T is a drummer and composer/arranger of message music which he and wife, sista C, perform together for all occasions. Sista C sings alto in my group, Revived! Needless to say, sista can sang!
So the family and I went over to the gathering, and enjoyed fellowship, food, praise and prayer; and the jam session! Brotha T has a recording studio in his home; I looked around at one point during the feast, and realized the house was full of musicians! People I knew and had worked with had come; and some new faces I became acquainted with. They'd brought their instruments. Singers, lead and bass guitars, soprano, alto and tenor saxophones, keyboard players (who never go anywhere without a keyboard in tow, cause ya neva know!) I looked at sista C and, reading my mind she said, "Oh you know it's going down!" Can I tell you a sista couldn't sang in full strength, but I worked the tambourine with all my might, making a joyful noise! Somebody even let me play a few chords on their keyboard! My heart was singing, and my body was dancing. I was in paradise...
Because it was more tedious to try to speak (sounding like a pubescent boy), I just meditated and found I could rejoice, praise, pray and express myself without words passing through my lips. It was both satisfying and gratifying to be in the midst of folks who were all of one spirit, one heart. I was filled to overflowing! I made new friends I hope will be part of my life for a long time; some I will see again very soon.
It was a blessing to have my family together, ushering out the old and bringing in the new. I realize there are many people whose grown children will have nothing to do with the family on New Year's Eve... they have their own plans and parties to attend. But Ashley, Angela, and Jonathan actually looked forward to hanging with the folks that night... didn't have to twist their arms (and would have understood if they didn't want to hang).
Somebody once told me, "the way you begin the year is a sign of the way it will end", or something like that. It's a wive's tale, I'm sure. But ever since I first heard that saying, I look at what's going on (or not) in my life when each year ends/begins. May I say that the start of this year makes my heart glad. Because if there's any truth to what "they say"... then I have no worries about the continued blessing of unity in the Wynn fam.
The throat is loosening up nicely; I almost sound like myself again... but I'm enjoying my talking fingers very much!
Another blog to come, about the things I learned in 2007.
Backtracking to December 31, 2007 - we had an invitation to bring the New Year in with some folks who are part of our music ministry. Husband and wife, the Reynolds, are wonderful people who open their home to others for prayer, assistance (physical and otherwise), and music making. Brotha T is a drummer and composer/arranger of message music which he and wife, sista C, perform together for all occasions. Sista C sings alto in my group, Revived! Needless to say, sista can sang!
So the family and I went over to the gathering, and enjoyed fellowship, food, praise and prayer; and the jam session! Brotha T has a recording studio in his home; I looked around at one point during the feast, and realized the house was full of musicians! People I knew and had worked with had come; and some new faces I became acquainted with. They'd brought their instruments. Singers, lead and bass guitars, soprano, alto and tenor saxophones, keyboard players (who never go anywhere without a keyboard in tow, cause ya neva know!) I looked at sista C and, reading my mind she said, "Oh you know it's going down!" Can I tell you a sista couldn't sang in full strength, but I worked the tambourine with all my might, making a joyful noise! Somebody even let me play a few chords on their keyboard! My heart was singing, and my body was dancing. I was in paradise...
Because it was more tedious to try to speak (sounding like a pubescent boy), I just meditated and found I could rejoice, praise, pray and express myself without words passing through my lips. It was both satisfying and gratifying to be in the midst of folks who were all of one spirit, one heart. I was filled to overflowing! I made new friends I hope will be part of my life for a long time; some I will see again very soon.
It was a blessing to have my family together, ushering out the old and bringing in the new. I realize there are many people whose grown children will have nothing to do with the family on New Year's Eve... they have their own plans and parties to attend. But Ashley, Angela, and Jonathan actually looked forward to hanging with the folks that night... didn't have to twist their arms (and would have understood if they didn't want to hang).
Somebody once told me, "the way you begin the year is a sign of the way it will end", or something like that. It's a wive's tale, I'm sure. But ever since I first heard that saying, I look at what's going on (or not) in my life when each year ends/begins. May I say that the start of this year makes my heart glad. Because if there's any truth to what "they say"... then I have no worries about the continued blessing of unity in the Wynn fam.
The throat is loosening up nicely; I almost sound like myself again... but I'm enjoying my talking fingers very much!
Another blog to come, about the things I learned in 2007.
I wanna be sayin somethin - posted elsewhere 12/30/07
I've bragged in the past about how healthy I am. "My health is my wealth", I've been known to say. No major surgeries, delivered 3 healthy babies naturally on the 3 occasions I was in the hospital, and, as my mother-in-law always says - "I have all my original parts". Even my teeth are the O.G. since the baby teeth fell out so many southern moons ago. Of course I do not take credit for my good fortune - all praise belongs to God and His gracious appointment of my genes through my parents; and a relatively clean lifestyle.
Well, I never get the flu shots; probably have had the flu twice in my 51 years. And generally, while others around me are hacking and coughing up their spleens during the cold season, I remain unaffected. But - I do have my own Achilles' heel when the cold does hit me... my throat. I come down with a dreaded case of laryngitis that has me sounding like Marlon Brando in The Godfather; worse, actually.
It happens so suddenly - it's scary. Last week, as my coworkers were blowing their noses and sneezing themselves blue, I was under a stealth attack. And the germie germs behaved like some sophisticated time bomb operation. I felt NOTHING when I walked out of the office on Friday and rolled out of the parking lot - ready for the weekend. Sure, I was getting a little hoarse, but nothing to be alarmed about. I was just going to brew a little tea, grab some throat soothies and be straight. It wasn't until I'd been home a few hours that I realized my voice box (and therefore the music box) had shut down for real. I was in shock. How could this happen to one who is usually so "in tune" with herself? And how in the world was I going to perform at the function at the junction later that evening? (Oh yeah, there was this thing that night, right?)
It wasn't the end of the world, I got backup for the event. But later as I sat there, enjoying the music, the singing, the atmosphere - I felt this strange sensation overtake me and I was on the edge of panic. "I can't participate!" It was frustrating like you cannot believe! (maybe you can) The feeling was akin to being disabled. I realized how much I depend on my ability to speak, complete with volume control, in order to interact effectively with everyone. And oh how I wanted to interact with everyone at that moment! Brotha Wynn was patient, leaning in close to hear my whispers...but whenever I wanted to communicate something that required emphasis - that was tough! Watching my family watch me struggle to get my messages across was...different. I could see from their faces they pitied me - which enraged me somewhat - and then my body language kicked in full force. I came up with some interesting sign language, I'm sure... Seemed like the more I gesticulated, the more amused they became.... AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
It's Sunday, and I'm home alone. (I think they needed time away from me! HA!) With my trusty PC, I am feeling at one with myself because there do be anotha way to skin this kitty! I've got my music mix flowin (Marvin Gaye is croonin "If I Should Die Tonight")... the tea, with honey and lemon at my right, the box of tissues at my left. My fingers are very happy as I do this other thing that comes naturally on this keyboard.
My throat is feeling better, loosening up - and I believe I'll be able to speak my mind in my true voice by morning. I'm content, in the meantime, to remain silent, and let my fingers do the talking
Well, I never get the flu shots; probably have had the flu twice in my 51 years. And generally, while others around me are hacking and coughing up their spleens during the cold season, I remain unaffected. But - I do have my own Achilles' heel when the cold does hit me... my throat. I come down with a dreaded case of laryngitis that has me sounding like Marlon Brando in The Godfather; worse, actually.
It happens so suddenly - it's scary. Last week, as my coworkers were blowing their noses and sneezing themselves blue, I was under a stealth attack. And the germie germs behaved like some sophisticated time bomb operation. I felt NOTHING when I walked out of the office on Friday and rolled out of the parking lot - ready for the weekend. Sure, I was getting a little hoarse, but nothing to be alarmed about. I was just going to brew a little tea, grab some throat soothies and be straight. It wasn't until I'd been home a few hours that I realized my voice box (and therefore the music box) had shut down for real. I was in shock. How could this happen to one who is usually so "in tune" with herself? And how in the world was I going to perform at the function at the junction later that evening? (Oh yeah, there was this thing that night, right?)
It wasn't the end of the world, I got backup for the event. But later as I sat there, enjoying the music, the singing, the atmosphere - I felt this strange sensation overtake me and I was on the edge of panic. "I can't participate!" It was frustrating like you cannot believe! (maybe you can) The feeling was akin to being disabled. I realized how much I depend on my ability to speak, complete with volume control, in order to interact effectively with everyone. And oh how I wanted to interact with everyone at that moment! Brotha Wynn was patient, leaning in close to hear my whispers...but whenever I wanted to communicate something that required emphasis - that was tough! Watching my family watch me struggle to get my messages across was...different. I could see from their faces they pitied me - which enraged me somewhat - and then my body language kicked in full force. I came up with some interesting sign language, I'm sure... Seemed like the more I gesticulated, the more amused they became.... AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
It's Sunday, and I'm home alone. (I think they needed time away from me! HA!) With my trusty PC, I am feeling at one with myself because there do be anotha way to skin this kitty! I've got my music mix flowin (Marvin Gaye is croonin "If I Should Die Tonight")... the tea, with honey and lemon at my right, the box of tissues at my left. My fingers are very happy as I do this other thing that comes naturally on this keyboard.
My throat is feeling better, loosening up - and I believe I'll be able to speak my mind in my true voice by morning. I'm content, in the meantime, to remain silent, and let my fingers do the talking
Friday, December 21, 2007
Taking Care of Home
Brotha Wynn (my term of endearment) is one of the great ones. Early, early on, when we first met (in college, back in 1973), I knew there was something different about this young brotha. First of all, I'd been raised in California, and he was from New York - spending his early years in Newark and Washington, New Jersey. And that geographical difference registered on many levels. Though of the same religious faith and background, our upbringing was as opposite as any two people could be. His formative years grew him up faster - so unlike most post adolescent young men, at 19, he knew what he wanted out of life. I, on the other hand, had no clue. God was looking out for me, though.
The journey has been full of peaks and valleys, like most. And the valley experiences, many times, have been more precious than those mountaintop respites. Through Brotha Wynn, I have seen, heard, felt, and received the love of God. For there have been so many times along this road that I'm positive it was only God's grace that sustained this man's love for me.
Reminds me of a story (and I'll be brief, I promise). I was in my favorite spot at Barnes and Noble, reading, enjoying my caramel machiatto. A very aged woman sat down near me and began telling me her life story. Unsolicited, and unwelcomed (at first)...she just rattled on and on about her late husband, whom she'd just buried a few weeks earlier. Hers had been a troubled marriage, and many times she planned to leave him. But one day, as she was reading the Torah (she was Jewish), she said a voice whispered to her "Abigail, you must love your husband." She told me she knew it was God, and she wasn't happy with His command. This woman, from the way she told it, had all kinds of earthly reasons to leave her husband. But she decided to heed the voice...and continued what she knew would be a torturous life with this man. However, the older they got, the more ill he became. And she cared for him as a dutiful wife; and he, who had not been a man of faith, asked her to read the Torah to him. Which she did... Well, the rest is pretty well predictable. He asked her for forgiveness for so many years of hell, and he accepted God into his life. Then he died.
I haven't seen this woman at B&N since that time - nearly 7 years ago. She may not even be among the living. I know she was real - though sometimes I believe she was a heavenly messenger. There have been times in my experience with my beloved, when I knew it was God keeping me above what my normal attitudes would be... and invariably, whenever those incidents occurred, I always heard Abigail saying "...you must love your husband."
Today, I'm giving honor to the man who has shown the greatest patience, endurance, and love of anyone I've known. Father of my three children, and friend above all others... Lamont Wynn is blessing my soul on a constant! (wish I had time to tell it all!)
I have said that God is good... did I mention that He's also ABLE?
The journey has been full of peaks and valleys, like most. And the valley experiences, many times, have been more precious than those mountaintop respites. Through Brotha Wynn, I have seen, heard, felt, and received the love of God. For there have been so many times along this road that I'm positive it was only God's grace that sustained this man's love for me.
Reminds me of a story (and I'll be brief, I promise). I was in my favorite spot at Barnes and Noble, reading, enjoying my caramel machiatto. A very aged woman sat down near me and began telling me her life story. Unsolicited, and unwelcomed (at first)...she just rattled on and on about her late husband, whom she'd just buried a few weeks earlier. Hers had been a troubled marriage, and many times she planned to leave him. But one day, as she was reading the Torah (she was Jewish), she said a voice whispered to her "Abigail, you must love your husband." She told me she knew it was God, and she wasn't happy with His command. This woman, from the way she told it, had all kinds of earthly reasons to leave her husband. But she decided to heed the voice...and continued what she knew would be a torturous life with this man. However, the older they got, the more ill he became. And she cared for him as a dutiful wife; and he, who had not been a man of faith, asked her to read the Torah to him. Which she did... Well, the rest is pretty well predictable. He asked her for forgiveness for so many years of hell, and he accepted God into his life. Then he died.
I haven't seen this woman at B&N since that time - nearly 7 years ago. She may not even be among the living. I know she was real - though sometimes I believe she was a heavenly messenger. There have been times in my experience with my beloved, when I knew it was God keeping me above what my normal attitudes would be... and invariably, whenever those incidents occurred, I always heard Abigail saying "...you must love your husband."
Today, I'm giving honor to the man who has shown the greatest patience, endurance, and love of anyone I've known. Father of my three children, and friend above all others... Lamont Wynn is blessing my soul on a constant! (wish I had time to tell it all!)
I have said that God is good... did I mention that He's also ABLE?
I Music Because I Must!
Music has been part of my life since I came from the womb. My parents are musicians, my sister... And my formative years in the Greathousehold were full of piano lessons, band practice (I played clarinet in elementary through to high school), and choirs, choirs...and did I mention I sang in the choir? (alto voice) In college I formed a ladies trio, and we performed some of my original joints - I was blessed to have a great keyboard player, Clarence Benjamin (WHERE ARE YOU, MY BROTHA?), and he brought along his band. We rocked quite a few college events (the most memorable, the gala for the graduating class of '77 - my class).
Today, I'm director and cofounder of the singing group known as Revived! We've been together since 1999 - and have performed around the 'high desert', the Inland Empire and the greater Los Angeles area. Putting a CD together of original contemporary gospel music is yet another project in the works. (Did I mention a sista had too many irons in the fire this year?) It's been a slow process, mostly because of the actual musical compositions/arrangements that we're working with. Recording is, thankfully, not the problem - and that is due to two major things: 1. the studio owner is also one of my musicians and therefore...the project is almost a 'gratis' situation (we have a sweet deal!) 2. technology has fixed it so everybody doesn't have to be present to lay down tracks! And my crazy mix of singers (12) and musicians (3) love to remind me that they're "grown" and have "lives"! (when I send out my emails about rehearsals and calendar controls) But it's going a little slow - slower than we'd planned. And now the holidays are upon us and our annual musical events are on and poppin. This weekend we're doing a holiday concert on Saturday evening... but I'll be participating in a mass choir Messiah event that morning and again on Sunday... Needless to say, a sista is rehearsaled out! (is that a word?)
But I do it because I must... it's like the air I breathe on the real.
Today, I'm director and cofounder of the singing group known as Revived! We've been together since 1999 - and have performed around the 'high desert', the Inland Empire and the greater Los Angeles area. Putting a CD together of original contemporary gospel music is yet another project in the works. (Did I mention a sista had too many irons in the fire this year?) It's been a slow process, mostly because of the actual musical compositions/arrangements that we're working with. Recording is, thankfully, not the problem - and that is due to two major things: 1. the studio owner is also one of my musicians and therefore...the project is almost a 'gratis' situation (we have a sweet deal!) 2. technology has fixed it so everybody doesn't have to be present to lay down tracks! And my crazy mix of singers (12) and musicians (3) love to remind me that they're "grown" and have "lives"! (when I send out my emails about rehearsals and calendar controls) But it's going a little slow - slower than we'd planned. And now the holidays are upon us and our annual musical events are on and poppin. This weekend we're doing a holiday concert on Saturday evening... but I'll be participating in a mass choir Messiah event that morning and again on Sunday... Needless to say, a sista is rehearsaled out! (is that a word?)
But I do it because I must... it's like the air I breathe on the real.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Writing Projects
It's going on three years since my debut title was published. One might wonder "girl, what you been doing?" Well, I've asked myself that same question. Over and over again. And, "what had happened was"...
I got tangled up in too many commitments. Things I said "yes" to when the answer was clearly, "no", or "not at this time". On my desk at this very moment, laying peacefully beside me, is the unfinished manuscript of my next project "This October". I even have a publisher who expressed interest in reading it, and is waiting. Unlike "Come, Joy!", this project is not a book of poetry. It is my maiden voyage across the ocean of short story writing. I'm nervous, excited, crazed, giddy...numb, and, dare I say it... blase' about it.
The basic theme of the book is my call to my sisters for the restoration of "the sisterhood". The stories are vignettes telling the tales of our struggles, strengths, and weaknesses - but all for the rebuilding of our families. I've seen far too much disregard, disrespect, and alienation going on in our interpersonal relationships. From partnering to parenting, from the backyard to the schoolyard, there have been devastating blows and attacks against us as a culture and a community. It is a book that my brothers will hopefully embrace and enjoy...but I'm speaking to and through the sisters. Some of the stories were taken from real life situations and retold, with permission, with sensitivity. There is humor that inevitably rises from the deepest places. And some of the stories were woven and spun straight from the cracks and nooks of my own experiences and observations (my "book of pitfalls").... True lessons infused with fictional elements that keep it real. (a category I like to call "faction") The moral of the stories is the same. We must bring back loving, model it, and perpetuate it throughout our generations. The title, "This October"... has everything to do with a personal epiphany... and that's all I'm able to share on that ...
"The Woman In My Attic" is the title of what will eventually (hopefully) be my memoirs. I use that word loosely, however, because I don't really believe anyone would be that interested in my life and times.... Originally, about 8 years ago, I wrote a poem of the same title, in the third person. It created quite a bit of attention...folks wondering (I was sharing on an online poetry site back then) who this woman was. From that experience I began to write pieces with "her" in mind... and the readers and other poets began urging me to put a collection of "her" poems in a book. Intially when I set out to publish my first book, it was going to be the "Attic" collection. But then I became impressed (strongly) that it would not be my debut title. It became clear to me that the fullness of time had not come for "the woman". And I also began to see that the woman in my attic is, indeed, me...several years from now.
We shall see...
In the meantime, I've got work to do that will hopefully see me with my second work at least by NEXT October!
Solid as a Rock
I think we all remember, or have some understanding of what it means when we use the word "solid"...Speaking in the vernacular, or ... using the colloquial expressions of our region (and our times), we acknowledged, in the affirmative, when someone spoke a truism. "Solid, my brotha... right on." Or, if we needed a favor we'd say, "Hey, my sista, can you do me this solid, one time?"
"Solid" is a powerful word - an adjective with over 20 definitions (I researched it, you know)... and I dig them all. Before I went to the dictionary (dot com - ha!), I tried to think of as many definitions as I could on my own. Words like, "strong", "firm", "secure", came to mind. And there are more: "of substantial character", "having 3 dimensions (length, breadth, thickness)", "whole or entire", "real or genuine", "financially sound or strong", "thorough, vigorous, great".... I mean, it was amazing to see so many definitions associated with this five-letter word!
I'm at a place in life where I'm taking stock, reassessing, reviewing, reflecting... and standing firmly on a foundation laid many years ago. At my age, it's not even cute to find too many flaws in the infrastructure; cracks and leaks in the framework must be repaired with a quickness (simple mathematics: more time behind me than ahead of me). I am thankful that I've been blessed with lessons from my own personal book of pitfalls... experience has taught me some things. And the most remarkable piece is, I have access to all the tools necessary to keep it funky, fresh...and "solid."
God is good...
"S/he who has ears, let them hear"....
"Solid" is a powerful word - an adjective with over 20 definitions (I researched it, you know)... and I dig them all. Before I went to the dictionary (dot com - ha!), I tried to think of as many definitions as I could on my own. Words like, "strong", "firm", "secure", came to mind. And there are more: "of substantial character", "having 3 dimensions (length, breadth, thickness)", "whole or entire", "real or genuine", "financially sound or strong", "thorough, vigorous, great".... I mean, it was amazing to see so many definitions associated with this five-letter word!
I'm at a place in life where I'm taking stock, reassessing, reviewing, reflecting... and standing firmly on a foundation laid many years ago. At my age, it's not even cute to find too many flaws in the infrastructure; cracks and leaks in the framework must be repaired with a quickness (simple mathematics: more time behind me than ahead of me). I am thankful that I've been blessed with lessons from my own personal book of pitfalls... experience has taught me some things. And the most remarkable piece is, I have access to all the tools necessary to keep it funky, fresh...and "solid."
God is good...
"S/he who has ears, let them hear"....
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